Saturday, November 27, 2010

It's time for a new president


WE THE PEOPLE are lazy. I'm sorry, I love all of you tea partiers who made the dream of ousting Wiccan Pelosi a reality, but where in the Lord's name are you today?! I'm happy that you're shopping and eating because that expands our free privatized market$, but WHERE IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU?
Do y'all know what I mean? As I said earlier, WE THE PEOPLE took back the House, but we failed in the Senate and we failed in removing Hussein Obama from office. OK, so let's not sit on our rightfully fat conservative duffs! Let's get onto these here computers, phones, faxes, bullhorns and shout it out that we have a lot of work to do!

Now is the time to get a solid Republican candidate out there. I love you Miss Sarah, Governor Romney, Vice President Cheney, Governor Huckabee, but where are you? Y'all can enter the race anytime you want, but I'm calling on the Honorable Herman Cain to jump into the 2012 presidential race RIGHT NOW! Whenever I'm in the truck, I try to get Mr. Cain on the radio or find anything I can on this computer. Who is this man and why should he be running? As you can tell from the picture up top, this is a fine African-American man who just happens to be a solid conservative who is as close to one of my other favorite presidential candidates of all time: Dr. Alan Keyes. My best friend Roosevelt - another fine conservative God-fearing African-American male - talked about this idea until 3 a.m. and we are now going to start the movement to DRAFT HERMAN FOR PRESIDENT!
Every night on his talk show, Herman talks common sense conservative values that at least 95% of Real Americans agree with. This man made a fortune with Godfather's Pizza and I know that this great man can make it into the White House and do the same with America! But no one knows Herman Cain, Bill! SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME AND ROOSEVELT! Just follow our lead and you will see a major transformation in history. Herman Cain can easily tear Hussein Obama to pieces in any debate. Herman Cain will easily dismantle illegal health care! Herman Cain will create jobs and kick the environmental job-destroyers out of the country! Herman Cain will stare down evildoers wherever they exist! Herman Cain is a man, patriot and defender of freedom for all who wish to protect freedom.
For far too long, anti-Americans have been calling the shots and are now confiscating our hard-earned dollar$! NOW IS THE TIME FOR HERMAN CAIN! DRAFT HERMAN NOW!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Post Thanksgiving

I'm still tasting the fried turkey and cherry pie. I love you Delores White. You make me, Dale and Kyle want to grace this earth for another 100 years. I'm thankful for you and your many curves. Dale and Kyle, you're my boys and I love you, but not in that sissy kind of way. What else do I have to be thankful for? For starters, the Honorable Speaker-in-Waiting Representative John Boehner. Sir, you are going to be like Paul Revere riding into the House to tell everyone one that the liberals and higher taxe$ are coming! Once you fight these weak humans to the death, you will bring back the wholesome qualities that made America great.

WE THE PEOPLE are taking our country back. For far too long, we have been living under the shackles of tyranny and oppresssion in the form of illegal health care, high taxe$, environmentalism and Godlessness. I'm sorry to report that it's not enough to have a Republican House. We need a solid Republican Senate, White House, military and Supreme Court. Only then, will we see our lives improve.

Under Hussein Obama, we are furthering our moral decay. Children are on the pill. Fewer folk are attending church. Marriage is dying on the vine by the minute. Our military is being weakened into a pansy operation by turning it into a social playground experiment. They're going shirtless in the Oval Office-thus disrespecting the office more than Bubba Clinton and Jimmah Carter ever could imagine.

It's gone downhill and getting worse. There will be some relief when the Honorable Mr. Boehner rightfully gets the gavel from that witch in January. But folks, there's a lot more work to be done. First off, WE THE PEOPLE need to hold the Republicans accountable. If they cannot control out-of-control spending, then fire them and replace them with real Republicans. Next, we need to work hard to oust every single rotten Democrat out of their jobs. I don't care if it's in Liberal California or Taxachusetts, WE THE PEOPLE can prevail! While all that's going on, WE THE PEOPLE need to get a solid presidential candidate out of the gate and fast! Will it be Mitt Romney? Miss Sarah? Mr. Cheney? Mr. Rumsfeld? Gov. Pawlenty? Let's get this thing started, folks!

So, I hope y'all had a great Thanksgiving. Now, ONWARD CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS! WE ARE TAKING OUR COUNTRY BACK!

Monday, November 1, 2010

The November Bloodbath

It is November 1 - one day before WE THE PEOPLE take our country back! I'm going to spare anyone with predictions and write what should happen. Since this dumb secular progressive incompetent September 10th McFly "president' likes to go on TV all the time talking and talking and talking, I'm going to write what he should say on November 3rd in an address to the once-free nation:




My fellow Americans,
Yesterday you have spoken. You have told me that you have rejected my far-left wing agenda filled with illegal health care, weak borders, a tanking economy, secularism, debauchery and a general hate for what made America great.
Effective noon tomorrow, me and my vice-president will resign our offices. The Honorable Speaker-in-Waiting John Boehner may leave his post to assume the presidency. I will hand all of my materials over to this great man who I know will clean up the mess that I created.
Mr. Boehner, you will be sworn in at 12:01 p.m. Eastern Time. At that moment, you will correctly recite the Oath and immediately create jobs, institute a culture of life, make us safe and bring God back into every crevice in America.
At 1 p.m., me and my entire administration will be handcuffed and loaded onto a plane to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba where we will stand trial for shoving a radical agenda down the throats of all Americans.
I now realize that I damaged the economy worse than any other president in our history. I now realize that I put this nation at risk. I now realize that I am worse than President Grant, Wilson, Roosevelt, Jimmah and Bubba combined.
I now realize that I sold my country out to the jihadists.
Allah Akhbar,
Hussein Obama

You see, the Obama-Pelosi-Reid agenda has officially failed. This election was a referendum on it and WE THE PEOPLE are now in charge.

God Bless and Amen,
Bill Orvis White