Socialist Denmark is holding some kind of meeting - talking about how the planet is in trouble and that the evidence of global warming is everywhere. As my mama used to say with her Confederate silver ladle that would smack down on her butcher block, "BALDERDASH, BOY!!!!!" I wish my mama were around today to whip these pansy Socialist Danes with their fancy suits, shoes and tiny stupid-looking glasses. I'm sorry my friends, but these Socialists are dangerous to our quality of life. Oh, they think that our quality of life is horrible with chemicals and pollution all around us. Let me tell you something, we're doing fine with our chemicals and pollution thank you very much. I know plenty of people in the good ole US of A who are doing just fine at 98-years-old after smoking on patriotic tobacco while working with fertilizer, pesticides and propane. I've got plenty of evidence right here in my hometown and throughout this beautiful "polluted land." Get over yourselves you stupid secular, Godless nutcases!
Here's what's even worse. We now have an installed Kenyan president who is selling out our economy to these morons by saying that we need to put a limit on how much pollution we spew from our smokestacks. Well, "sir" "Mr." Hussein Nobama, guess what? It costs millions and billions to do all of that. That means if I were a patriotic coal mine or factory owner, I'd have to tell a bunch of my men to go home. Sorry boys, but some Kenyan is making me pay to stop my pollution. I have no money for you. Y'all will have to go home and tell your bride that you can't work no longer. So, here' your last check and y'all can try to live off the land because "Mr." Hussein Nobama's got no money left for you either because his Socialist government went broke.
Gentlemen, there is no global warming. Do y'all remember this thing called global cooling? I kind of remember that - back when I was on the drink. I thought that would be OK since the cold weather would keep my whiskey a bit chillier - which I liked back then. Guess what, you dumb Secular Progressive Socialists in Denmark: Global Cooling didn't happen and now this warming thing is not happening either. Those videos that y'all show with melting ice caps are totally doctored, just like Hussein Nobama's birth certificate. Y'all are exaggerating this thing and for that, you should be tried in a military tribunal. Yes, that's right, military, because this meeting y'all are having is going to cost us jobs not only in the private sector, but the military as well. We won't be able to do testing and the such in our oceans because we might hurt those sea otters. So, we're going to wave the white flag of surrender for a bunch of sea otters? You Danish folk are insane! I don't think you're even from this planet.
I'm sitting here in my shed staring at my KISS "Love Gun" record wondering what that good Hebrew boy Gene Simmons would do. I just wish he would storm into that Denmark meeting, holding his tongue out and tell these pansies that they need to get real jobs like cleaning out sewers or become a righteous Christ-centered Republican in the U.S. Congress.
Anyway, folks, what's going on here? My country has been taken away from me. I'm worn out and on days like this, I don't have much fight. Maybe I'll more energy tomorrow to protest this thing with my tea bags.
Bill Orvis White