Tuesday, February 24, 2009

The Academy Awards

Is this what America has come to?

The Academy Awards are nothing but a celebration of all that's wrong with the United States. It promotes sexual promiscuity, homosexuality, secularism, drug use, big government and anything that leftists love. So, I held a counter-Oscar party with Delores last night. We do this every year where we take the top film contenders and make them conservative-friendly. While the big Hollywood liberal show full of sin was playing in the background, Delores, Dale, Kyle and our church group were having the time of our lives!


Here are some of the plots that we reworked:


* "Wholemilk"-The story of Harold Wholemilk, a homosexual mayor of Maple, MS who gets fixed, marries a beautiful woman, has four kids and starts a church where they fix other homosexuals.


*"The Curious Case of Carl Cufflinks"-The story of an old drug addict who ages backwards, becomes clean and sober, finds God and Jesus and starts a church where he fixes homosexuals.


*"The Non-Reader"-The story of a gorgeous woman who never reads, stays home, cooks, cleans and starts a church where she fixes homosexuals.


*"Mexican Millionaire"-The story of an illegal Mexican worker in Mississippi who sneaks back to his country, wins money on a game show and is then caught. He gets out of trouble by giving half of his winnings to the Minutemen and the other half to a church he starts in Mississippi where he fixes homosexuals.



This is the only way I can stomach these leftist Oscar awards. I wish my cable system would block this night of left-wing cheerleading. Also, is Sean Penn an American? Call Sen. Shelby and check his papers!


God Bless you Godless Oscar watchers,BW

Monday, February 23, 2009

Defiance

I love my governor. Haley is the man who is willing to stand up and tell the truth: You don't take money that's not yours! Why should we take hard-earned dollars from those who worked like dogs to get it and give it to those who don't deserve a dime of it? That's socialism pure and simple. We have become a nanny state where we expect big government to take care of us from the cradle to the grave. Like Haley said before Congress a while back: We in Mississippi pull ourselves up by the bootstraps when times are tough and not-so-tough. We don't need the outside leftist big boys in Washington sitting up there in their ivory towers telling us how to do things down here! Period! If you want to make it in life, come down here. There's nothing stopping you. If you go up north, you're guaranteed to fail because the government takes 50 percent of your hard earned dollars. In Mississippi, a man can move here, start a family, business and attend the church of his choice with no questions asked. When it comes to this Robinhood Stimulus deal, we here in Mississippi say, "Thanks but no thanks!" Haley, you are one of my heroes!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

This is change?

Now this president is signing the big ole handout in the country of Denver. As I used to say to my mama, "Where the heck is that?" I hear that this plan is gonna create "green jobs." What's that? It sounds like the government is just making up those useless jobs for the heck of it. Maybe it's to make up jobs for their friends like that crook Blago guy. If I were president, another part of my stimulus plan would be to make more jobs building fighting machines like they do over at Lockheed. I would do that in Denver since I guess they're friendly with us.

Let's get back to the basics. We should build our own schoolhouses with our own hands. Let the ladies in every town be the teachers while guys like us do the heavy lifting like me-I do plumbing, drywall work, hunting, car repairs and more. Ladies like my gorgeous bride would be at school and then go home and cook up the venison I found in the backyard. We would all go to church on Sunday and then go back at again during the week. We do this for the most part and it works. Oh yeah, and my boys Dale and Kyle help out. They aren't spoiled brats like those kids on the island of New York. They help process the deer meat, change the spark plugs and oil, build houses for the less fortunate, clean the church bathrooms and give grandma massages and baths.

If everyone did what we did in every town, we wouldn't be in the mess we are in today.
This president isn't changing a darn thing. He's making it worse.
God Bless, BW

Friday, February 13, 2009

Drivin' home

I'm driving in my F when all of a sudden, I hear that Mother Pelosi passed the big ole government handout of the century. That's a tough pill to swallow. After earning my keep for the day, I have to hear that this bedwetting nation of freeloaders are getting handouts! I'm afraid that this country has lost all of its power. It's hopeless. We are giving up control to the terrorist nations, Europe, China,India, Venezuela and even Cuba.I just did my taxes and I can't believe how they're getting me.
My plan of action is to scrap the whole tax collection system. Privative everything: roads, schools, utilities, hospitals. Just put those lazy government workers into the only business the government should be in: the military. I don't mind paying for protection from those who want to destroy America. But, we are losing that battle. We were winning in Iraq. Now, we're waving the white flag of surrender and telling the jihadists to come here and kill us. God Bless, BW

Monday, February 9, 2009

Grammys

After a long Sunday fixing the Yodlers busted-up antique toilet, I came home to a huge meal prepared by my gorgeous wife Delores. Dale and Kyle reminded me to put the Grammy awards on. I told them it's a waste of time if my heroes Juice Newton, George Jones, Ted Nugent, Merle Haggard and Gene Simmons aren't there. But I sat down on my ripped up leather Lazy Boy and was pleasantly surprised by a few things. I must say that I like that Bono guy from U2. I know a lot of my buddies disagree with me, but I heard that Bono leads a Christ-centered life and he spent some time with G.W. Bush and had good words to say about him. For that Bono, I love you (not in that funny kind of way of course). I actually like the song he did, too. Very nice job, U2 -- even though I barely ever listened to your stuff. Plus, Bono is trying to do good in Africa. I'm sure he goes down there and spreads the word of baby Jesus and God. Plus, I read in an old U.S. News and World Report magazine that there's a bunch of oil down there. I bet Bono can bring back a bunch. God knows that my F-150 needs it!
I also like that Sugarland and Carrie Underwood. OK, I gotta sign off. I'm having lust in my jeans again. God Bless, BW.