The Academy Awards are nothing but a celebration of all that's wrong with the United States. It promotes sexual promiscuity, homosexuality, secularism, drug use, big government and anything that leftists love. So, I held a counter-Oscar party with Delores last night. We do this every year where we take the top film contenders and make them conservative-friendly. While the big Hollywood liberal show full of sin was playing in the background, Delores, Dale, Kyle and our church group were having the time of our lives!
Here are some of the plots that we reworked:
* "Wholemilk"-The story of Harold Wholemilk, a homosexual mayor of Maple, MS who gets fixed, marries a beautiful woman, has four kids and starts a church where they fix other homosexuals.
*"The Curious Case of Carl Cufflinks"-The story of an old drug addict who ages backwards, becomes clean and sober, finds God and Jesus and starts a church where he fixes homosexuals.
*"The Non-Reader"-The story of a gorgeous woman who never reads, stays home, cooks, cleans and starts a church where she fixes homosexuals.
*"Mexican Millionaire"-The story of an illegal Mexican worker in Mississippi who sneaks back to his country, wins money on a game show and is then caught. He gets out of trouble by giving half of his winnings to the Minutemen and the other half to a church he starts in Mississippi where he fixes homosexuals.
This is the only way I can stomach these leftist Oscar awards. I wish my cable system would block this night of left-wing cheerleading. Also, is Sean Penn an American? Call Sen. Shelby and check his papers!
God Bless you Godless Oscar watchers,BW