Tuesday, December 30, 2008

She chose life

Hi y'all-I've been quite busy during the Christmas season. Yes, that's Christmas for all you seculars out there. No, I don't have anything against the Hebrews. In fact, I support the Hebrews now more than ever. They deserve their land over there in Israel and they need to keep fighting the evildoers who are looking to push them out to the sea. My hope is that one day all of the Hebrews in the U.S. like my neighbors The Franklesteins will one day return to their land and spread the word of their peaceful God and Democracy in that area. I know Schmuley (I love that funny name and he looks even funnier) and Linda will one day move there and turn things around -- I know they can do it.


Anyway, yes, I'm sad that an SP will be our president. I accepted it in the last few weeks. OK, all you SPs up there in New York think that I'm a bigot. No I'm not! I love the Obamas and people of color. In fact, I was practically raised by my mama's helper Essie. Then there's Johnny, my bible study partner. He's a black Christian conservative and I love him like a brother.
But, I'm grateful that Mississippi is redder than red, baby. I'm thankful that queer Hollywood films don't come around here. I'm grateful that Delores bakes big ole delicious pies for me. Where will I be on Inauguration Day? I'll be workin' for a livin' and will think about how good Christians will save this country from ruin.
Here's the big news: What's even better these days is that up there in Alaska, beautiful Sarah's daughter chose life and had a baby boy! Whoo-hoo!! Another conservative, Christian boy in the world!!!! I'm giddy, y'all!!!!


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Heading to Georgia

Hi folks,
Business has been picking up lately.

I'm finished for the week and Kyle, Dale and me are headin' to Georgia to canvass for Saxby Chambliss! I can't wait to tell my brethren in the great Southern state of Georgia what a great man Senator Chambliss is and how lucky they are to have him.

We're goin' deer huntin' in the northern part of the state and then after that, it's Thanksgiving supper at my Aunt Marge's deep in the hills near Brasstown. I do hope that we get to run into the only dang good Democrat that ever lived--Zell Miller! I met Zell a few years back and I'm tellin' you, he's hilarious! Anyway, back to T-giving. Marge has been fryin' turkeys for 45 years and I swear they get better each year. Plus, we're stayin' through the weekend so that we can see the gorgeous Sarah Palin when she comes to the Atlanta area where she's stumpin' for Saxby! I'll catch y'all later. We gotta gas up the 150 for the long haul! With beer, deer and pickup trucks, who needs women?--except for fryin' turkeys! Whoo-hoo!!! OK, I'm jokin' 'bout that last line. Sorry I'm out of line, Miss Marge, I'll be a good boy in front of you.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

D-Day

So this is it. Today symbolizes the end of freedom as we know it. Tomorrow, we will see the death of God and the escalation of debauchery. Today, Christ-loving people who are in the majority will start to become silenced. Tomorrow, the evildoers, the liberals, the gays will drown us out.



Businessmen like me will see his taxes go through the roof to fund these people. What can we do? We won't be able to take up arms against the enemy because they will be coming after my cache. You see, our founding fathers at least had that advantage! What can we do? My answer is prayer. I know, you're probably saying, "Bill, you're going soft." Maybe so. I'm 55 and tired. Tired of high taxes. Tired of the liberal media subjecting me to Rosie O'Donnell. Tired of tree-huggers who want to tell me that plastic bags are going to kill the squirrels that I love to eat anyway. Tired of the gays wanting to re-decorate my toolshed.



I'm also sorry to say that Joe the Plumber stole my thunder. I only wish John McCain would have taken me on the trail. I would have told those crowds about how Christ gets us through everything. He saved me the night I turned my truck over and I know that even if the Right keeps losing power, there is Christ who will get us through Obama-Pelosi-Reid.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Pray

Pray for our country. Pray for my family and yours. Pray for our future. Pray for our nation to one day return to a Christ-centered life. Pray no one will tax me to death. Pray that the evildoers will not come to our nation and attempt to take it over. Pray that God will be allowed to come back to school. God Bless Y'all, Bill.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Look at what I got!



Hey y'all! Look at what I got in the mail. It scares the Baby Jesus out of me! Dale and Kyle (my sons) if you are reading this, we have an emergency prayer meeting in your room tonight.

My dreamgirl Sarah

I'm so sorry that I have been gone for so long. I promise that I will be back more often folks. You see, I'm so dang busy with my plumbing business. But, wow, so much has happened. I don't know where to start. I'll keep this brief and tell y'all how much I love Sarah Palin. I have never seen a woman who is so smart and gorgeous at the same time. Sorry Delores! Yes, Delores is my wife that I'm committed to forever and forever-I made that promise at Promise Keepers about 10 years ago. But, Sarah has it all and the best part is that she's committed to low taxes, God, guns and most of all, life. She is everything a true lady should be these days. And how about that Todd! That's a man's man. I must confess that I was ready to vote for Bob Barr. I didn't know if Senator McCain was a true patriot. Now that my beautiful Sarah is on the ticket, I'm so dang excited that I can't stand up straight. I can't believe I admitted that. Woo-hoo!

Friday, May 30, 2008

Genetic problem with SPs

I was thinking the other day about Secular Progressives. My theory is that they have a genetic deficiency. SPs just don't get it. They don't get that Islamo-Fascists would like to kill them. They don't get that HillaryCare would bankrupt the nation. They don't get that lower taxes or even no taxes generate revenue and put more money in your pocket to do anything that you wish to do. What's wrong with SPs? Oh yeah, they say they care about others. Well, I have this to say: That's what your church is for! Hello all you McFly SPs! Wake up and smell the roses for God's sake! Oh yes and then there's the environment. Guess what all of you SPs: There is no Global Warming and there's nothing you can do about it. If there is warming, then why are the temperatures going down this year? Oh, now you're going to say, "Bill, look at all those tornadoes. That's warming evidence!" Gimme a break, you crazy SPs. Tornadoes have been around since God created this gorgeous earth. Stop your whining. I'm getting in my F-150 right now. See y'all later!

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Opportunity Society

I'm a Mississippi businessman who feels that there are too many taxes and not enough prayer in our country. A lot of folks in and around town have been asking me, "Bill, who do you like for president?" Right now, I'm not endorsing anyone. Everyone who knows me knows that I'm a Huckabee fan. I cried the day he dropped. I do know that I cannot endorse John McCain or the two low-lifes that are running on the other side. I like the idea of Bob Barr running for the Libertarians, but I have always questioned their lack of committment to Christ. Plus, they endorse drug use. That's as pure and simple as the soap that my mama Hilda Mae made when she grew up on the Delta. Stay tuned and maybe I'll have an endorsement. In the meantime, I will continue my crusade to save America.

Traitor!


Former Press Secretary Scott McClellan just came out with a book that says our president lied. I just have this to say to you: Traitor! Wuss! People like you are dangerous to our national security. This rotten book is just another left-wing tool that will empower the evildoers. Good goin' McClellan! I have no idea when the Islamo-Fascists are coming, but if they do, I will put you on my "To Blame List."
I do hope my president will find a way to level treason charges at you. As Jesus Christ as my Savior, I pray that you will be brought to justice.